My Testimony

Since it seems I have a little pregnancy insomnia tonight I thought I would write out my testimony of how I came to give my life to Christ. I don't think I have ever written it out. I'm sure their will be things that will really shock some of you.

I grew up in a middle class home, my family believed in God and Jesus but believed in them as the story. You know " if your a good person you will go to heaven." I remember having a few church experiences growing up. And deep down wishing my family went to church.

Around age 12 my mom and dad became Christian's and remember being really upset by the changes that started to take place. I was angry at the worship music playing in the house, I often called my parents hypocrites. As I entered into high school I became very depressed and dealt with alot of self-hatred. I was bullied through grade 8 and 9 and seemed to go deeper and deeper into a black hole. I remember just wanting to please people and have people like me. I craved the attention of boys. I dressed very seductive, I would give anyone anything. I remember sneaking out at 13 years old into a 17 year old boys home and doing what every he asked. Drugs soon followed and so did the stealing alcohol from my parents. Things quickly spiraled, I became suicidal which quickly landed me in the hospital for a month. The hospital introduce me to a whole platter of demons to choose from. Meditation, chanting you name it.... Then I met a girl named Cynthia she was BEAUTIFUL 3 years older than me a model yet also very suicidal. But in my messed up head she had it all. She introduced me to anorexia and from that day at the hospital it became a game of who can hold out the longest without eating. I went from 98 pound 14 year old to 65lbs with in 3 months. Causing some life threading damage to my heart which then landed me back in the hospital for 2 months.

After a long battle inside my head and one of the biggest struggles to gain weight I got out. But I was no where near whole or healthy. I struggled every day to eat I had to have weekly weigh-ins I was on 3 or 4 medications to stabilize my "moods" other drugs to help me sleep. I was a mess!

I gave myself away to who ever, I had no fear of anything. If I died of aids
"oh well " was my attitude. At 14 years old I had a positive pregnancy test which ended in miscarriage days later, probably due to the meds I was on.

There is so many "little stories" I could keep sharing but I'm sure you get the picture, I was really messed up.

My 15th birthday rolled around it was a Friday, my mom game me some money to go out for dinner with my girlfriend our plan was to eat cheep find someone to "boot" for us drink and go to the high school football game. During dinner at Pizza Hut I said to her" you know I think I'm going to go to church tonight". I knew about this youth group at the church my parents were attending, I had gone a couple times when I was 12 but was way more interested in the boys.

So my friend and I split for the night and I walked about 10 blocks to this youth group. I walked into the church the lights were low and everyone was worshiping. The presence of God was so thick I was completely overcome. I walked up to the front of the church where the alter was and literally fell to my knees bawling. The youth pastor came over and prayed with me and I gave my life to Jesus. I laid on the sanctuary floor for FOUR hours repenting and crying out to God.

I don't remember how I got home that night or what even happened. But I remember the next day my mom being stunned by me. I had a 100% transformation! I was a new creation in Christ!

I felt new, everything changed. The depression was gone, I could sleep, I stopped swearing. It's funny when I talk about now with my mom she says it scared her cause she knew it was nothing I could have done on my own.

From that day forward I never ever looked back. When I think back to what I was saved from how can I not give God all the glory and praise? How can I not speak out and be bold and scream his truths from the roof tops. His Grace is enough!!! The JOY in my heart wants to scream most of the time. I was on my way to the depths of hell and he pulled me out of the pit. How can I not look at my husband and children and be moved to tears and the thankfulness in my heart. How can I not want to give everything I have to Jesus? I don't deserve ANY OF THIS!

He made beauty from ashes.